How Jesus helped heal my trauma

Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you our potter; we are all the work of your hand.

Isaiah 64:8 NIV

My story is a long one but I wanted to start this new blog venture with a sort of condensed version. The purpose of this blog is to reach women who have been abused and are dealing with PTSD or childhood trauma. I want those women to know that your suffering has not gone unnoticed. God does have a plan for you. You can find healing in Jesus Christ. I know, because I have found my healing in him.

God creates us innocent and in his image

We are all born innocent little babes. A blank slate. A lump of clay. God creates us in his image, ready to be raised lovingly in his ways. Your parents can choose to be careful stewards of your mental and physical well-being. They could also decide to let you figure life out on your own. They could even decide to hand you over to someone else. Our parents, could shape or mold us into almost any type of human being. They could make us strong and vibrant, or leave us lost and lonely.

Children are like clay. They are malleable and don’t yet have a shape or purpose. Children need structure and shape, just like clay on a potter’s wheel. If the potter skips a step or hurries through the process, things can go wrong. Air bubbles can become trapped within the pottery, and cracks can form. If the potter doesn’t work with the clay correctly, it can lose its integrity, become brittle, and break. If the ceramics aren’t fired and glazed they won’t be strong enough to last the test of time and life.

But what happens when no one cares to mold us?

If the potter leaves the clay in the wrong environment and doesn’t tend to it, it will dry out. To keep out air bubbles and make it strong the potter must knead and work the clay properly. Although it looks fine from the outside, the finished vase or bowl easily breaks. When the firing process is rushed the finished product can’t take the heat of daily use. Cracks start to form, and it falls apart and crumbles. If the potter doesn’t take the time to learn the process anything can happen. So much can go wrong.

Just like clay, children be shaped into wonderful works of art if they are treated with love and care. But what happens when a child is left in an environment that doesn’t shape or mold them? What happens when the environment is hostile and destructive? What if the child’s parent never wanted to be a parent in the first place?

I know the struggles and heartache of childhood trauma

I was born to two people who had no clue how to be parents. Their parents had done their best, but my mom and dad never really grew up. They both struggled with taking responsibility for their actions and choices. They struggled with traumas and addictions of their own, and they didn’t have a relationship with Jesus. Before I turned 4 years old they had separated and eventually divorced. Life after that was chaotic. My mother remarried an abusive alcoholic and my father sort of disappeared for a long time. My parents left me to my own devices as a child. No potter to wedge me, knead me, turn the wheel, or tend the kiln. No one to work and care for me or turn me into a treasured piece of art.

The men in my life all hurt or abandoned me. So I developed a pretty warped image of fatherly love. I had no self-esteem and few friends. I spent the majority of my time wondering why I wasn’t good enough to earn the love of my parents. School and church became my only escapes. I showed up at the local church every time the doors were open. I didn’t find salvation there but I found solace and safety.

We all fall short of God’s glory

Sadly the church in itself wasn’t quite enough to fill the void inside of me. I felt so unloved. My parents didn’t protect me. No one noticed my deep depression and anxiety. Even the leaders of the church couldn’t help me. I heard about our Heavenly Father, but the word Father was like a bitter poison on my tongue. That was something I wanted no part of. I felt like I was all alone in the world, fighting for my life and not yet fit for battle. In my weakness, I turned to food, drugs, alcohol, and men to try to fill the voids. All of those trapped air bubbles in the clay walls of my vase left me feeling empty and useless. So I tried to fill them in any way that I could.

But there is hope in Jesus, the perfect potter.

Someone introduced me to the Proverbs 31 Ministries online Bible studies in late 2014. I had been sexually assaulted just one month before this. I was at the lowest point of my entire life. The assault left me hating myself. I felt dirty and ashamed. Then this Bible study fell into my lap and it saved my life. I suddenly heard the story in a completely different light. Through that Bible study, I met God as the perfect father that he is. I finally realized that God was nothing like the men who had hurt me. God is the perfect father; the perfect potter.

In the two months that it took me to do that Bible study God began to heal me. He began filling in all the voids left by the abuse of the first 30 years of my life. I accepted Christ as a result and all of the hurt, tears, scars, and trauma slowly began to heal. It wasn’t instant; I still struggle with anxiety and depression. I still fight the CPTSD from my childhood and the PTSD from my assault. But today I am sober from pills, alcohol, and even nicotine. I am in a kind and loving marriage with a man who honors me daily. For once, I am happy and at peace. Jesus took that broken life full of heartache and healed it. He began filling in the cracks and imperfections with his perfect love.

I want to intercede on your behalf

I’ve started this journey as a Christian writer because I want to reach YOU. Yes, YOU. That lost, hurt, and alone girl or woman on the other side of this computer screen. This blog is for the women who have been beaten, abused, assaulted, taken advantage of, used, and thrown away. God is our potter, we are all the works of his hand. Jesus wants to take the pain and all the scars. He wants to heal you and begin a work in you to completely transform your life. He wants to deliver you out of the depths of whatever depression and horrible pain you are in today. I know that isn’t always easy. The first steps can be so very hard. So I want you to know, I am praying for you today. I want to intercede on your behalf and take your pain to Jesus.

Please leave a comment or contact me on my social media or via email @ agracefilledlife38@gmail.com if you have a specific prayer need.

This is the Bible study that completely changed my life and led me to accept Jesus Christ. You can follow Renee Swope and learn more here.