Unworthy

Do you ever feel like you’re completely alone? Have you ever felt unworthy of love? Perhaps, like me, you’ve often wondered “What is wrong with me? Why am I not enough?”

I always felt like I was inferior and inadequate.

For most of my life I felt that way. Even as a child. I felt abandoned and discarded by my parents and later by a long line of men. I struggled to make friends in school. Even when I did make friends there were many times the relationships felt superficial or one-sided. I can’t tell you how many times I have seen groups of women I considered friends going out and posting pictures of events I was never even invited to. My life felt lonely and isolated for a long time.

I know it is so hard not to feel discouraged when so many people have hurt you. For the women, like us, who have felt the heartbreak of parental or partner abuse it is even harder to believe in someone being safe enough to trust with our whole hearts again. Closing off our hearts and locking them away was the only way we survived. Sometimes we find ourselves feeling so unworthy of love we just stop trying.

But then, Jesus said I was worthy.

If you know any part of my story or testimony, I was at my absolute lowest point several years ago. I was battling depression so deep, I felt like I was unworthy of saving, or even living. That’s when I read a book that opened up my heart and my eyes to the miracle of just how loved I truly am in God’s eyes. That book taught me so much about how God pursues us. I have been studying the word much more vigorously since then. I have drawn closer to God and have been learning exactly who he is through his word.

In scripture, Jesus says we are worthy. We are far more precious than rubies and gold (Proverbs 3:15-17). Time after time the Bible tells us how precious we are to God. Not only did God give up his only Son to be crucified for YOU, he reminds us over and over in scripture that we are the most precious of all creations in His eyes.

When you’ve been hurt it’s easy to start believing you’re unworthy.

In Jeremiah 31:3 it tells us how he loves us with an everlasting love and unfailing kindness. I don’t know about you, but coming from my past, the idea of someone loving me with an everlasting love brings tears to my eyes. I spent the first 29 years of my life believing I was absolutely unlovable. Cliche as it may sound, my father choosing not to have a relationship with me after my parents’ divorce made me feel like I wasn’t enough to earn his love. I wasn’t a priority to him. His love was not everlasting or unfailing.

We see this devotion from the Lord again in Isaiah 43:4 which reads, “Since you are precious and honored in my sight and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life.” My mom couldn’t even give up alcohol or men for me. My father couldn’t withstand fighting with my mom to cultivate a relationship with me. But here is God telling me that he would sacrifice entire nations for ME!

Again, in Isaiah 49, verse 16, God says “See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.” We know that he is speaking to Israel directly here but later in scripture we are often compared to Israel in relation to how God sees us. Israel is called God’s bride, the church, whom God is as devoted to as a husband to a wife. So we can take comfort in knowing that just as God cherishes Israel, so to does he cherish us.

You might feel shameful and unloved now.

You might feel worthless now. I know I did for a long time. I struggled to believe that God found me desirable or lovable. Time after time, I had put myself out there for other people, only to have them hurt me, use me, and leave me. Not just in romantic relationships, either. My parents, my siblings, friends, even a few church leaders. For the majority of my life it seemed overly apparent to me that I could trust and rely on no one but myself. So it took a long time for the idea of God loving me that much to really sink in. My first instinct was to ask “Why me? Why would he love me like that?”

If I was unworthy of even my parents’ love, how could this man named Jesus love me enough to die for me?

Self-esteem and confidence have never been my strong suits either. My stepdad used to remind me daily of my weight issues. He once said to me “you better stop eating, no man is ever gonna want such a fat pig for a wife”. He also seemed to get great joy out of reminding me that I was the reason my dad left. In his words, “it’s no wonder your daddy didn’t stick around.” Not exactly the best environment for fostering confidence in a young lady.

If your story is like mine, I know the world has made you feel so unworthy.

But, God chooses to tell me something completely different about myself. Psalms 139 tells us that not only did he knit us together in our mother’s womb, it says there is nothing about us that is hidden from him. That means he knows every hidden part of you. All of those secrets you’re carrying, the shame, the pain, the dark and messy parts of your heart. God knows ALL of those things about you, and yet, still chooses to love you. All those ‘flaws’ everyone else points out to you and tells you you’re unworthy because of; God knows those parts too. And he still chooses to love you!

Psalms 139 also tells us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. No one else ever told me I was wonderful before I met Jesus. I don’t remember a single time someone told me something that nice about myself (unless they were trying to get something from me).

I was sceptical, too. It took a long time to stop seeing myself as worthless.

Would you believe that at one time, even those scriptures didn’t fully convince me? I mean all of those are from the Old Testament. They don’t apply anymore right? Wrong. Even the Old Testament verses are relevant today. The Old Testament shows us who God is; it helps us get to know him on a personal level. But just in case there are people like me who struggle to believe in those Old Testament promises, God followed through in a really, REALLY big way in the New Testament. He sent us Jesus.

As if calling us more precious than rubies and gold, or telling us that he would destroy nations for each of us, or that he is willing to leave the masses to pursue just one of us lost souls wasn’t enough, he gave up his ONLY son for us. The scripture tells us in John 3:16 that he loved us so much that he gave us his only son so that we can spend eternity with him in Heaven. And then in Romans 5:8 he puts it in even more simple terms for us. “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

You are far from unworthy to God.

Sisters, no matter who has hurt you in the past; no matter how many times you’ve been pushed aside, or overlooked, or left behind… God loves you with a deep and everlasting love. When you are feeling your most unworthy, remember this:

He will pursue you to the very ends of the Earth. He created you in his own image and calls you his own.

I know that humans hurt us more than anything else. We are especially hurt when the people we trusted enough to be vulnerable with break that trust. But it is impossible for God to break his promises to us. He can never let you down, and he will never turn his back on you.

Come to him today. Take that first step in believing and trusting him. You’ll be so glad you did.